From our earliest days, the way we bonded with parents and caregivers shaped how we learned to connect with others. These patterns, known as attachment styles, can have a profound influence on our adult relationships.
You may notice yourself clinging to closeness, keeping distance, or feeling torn between the two. These are ways you learned to protect yourself in relationships. In therapy, making sense of these patterns can be the first step toward creating more secure and fulfilling connections.
The Four Common Attachment Styles
While no one fits neatly into a box, it can help to understand the common categories:
- Secure attachment – Comfortable with closeness and independence
- Anxious/Ambivalent attachment – Worrying about rejection, craving reassurance
- Anxious/Avoidant attachment – Valuing independence, finding intimacy difficult
- Disorganised attachment – Connection is sought but also feared and emotions can be difficult to regulate.
Recognising your style is not about labelling yourself, it’s about uncovering the story behind how you relate to others.
Why Attachment Shows Up in Therapy
Relationship struggles are one of the most common reasons people come to therapy. This can include intimacy, friendships, family dynamics, or even your relationship with yourself. Exploring attachment patterns offers insight into:
- Why you may feel stuck in familiar relationship cycles
- Why self-worth often feels shaky
- How past experiences influence present choices
Over time, therapy can help you experience relationships differently, both inside and outside the therapy room.
Therapy as a Space for Change
Therapy doesn’t aim to “fix” attachment styles, but to explore them with compassion. As unconscious processes emerge, new ways of relating can unfold. Small shifts, such as tolerating closeness, setting boundaries, or softening self-criticism, become possible. These changes can ripple outward into healthier and more fulfilling connections.
If you’ve noticed repeating patterns in your relationships, or if your connection with yourself feels strained, therapy can offer a supportive space to understand and transform these dynamics.
